Products

They lost it all. Give them a flame. This green candle burns, but it won’t rug. Smells like second chances (and delusion).

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This isn’t just a candle. It’s a green candle — and it smells like victory, unregulated finance, and maybe just a hint of hopium. Light it during market opens. Burn it when you go long. Manifest the pump, baby. Scent: Green Wick Energy Hand-poured in small degenerate batches Burns longer than your last altcoin Smells like up only.

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Top off your fit with this crypto crown. The Big Green Candle cap brings dad-hat energy with decentralized swagger. Curved brim, structured front, and embroidered with green candle heat. It's not just headwear — it's a state of mind. Adjustable strap for bulls of all sizes Breathable for hot takes and high leverage Degen-tested, influencer-approved Cap your FUD. Show your pump.

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These aren’t just tees — they’re wearable alpha. Designed for the terminally online, forever bullish, and proudly unhinged. Each shirt features 7-word-or-fewer slogans that hit harder than a Solana pump at 3AM. No utility, just vibes. Perfect for crypto bros, meme queens, and anyone who’s ever been rugged and laughed about it later. Premium feel, lightweight cotton Printed with high-res degenerate energy Fits true — like your favorite bag Guaranteed to get at least one weird look Crypto is a cult. Dress like it.

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Every trader needs a signal.This is yours. The Desk $DILDO is a pixel-perfect, solid green candle figurine — here to bless your trades, absorb your losses, and silently judge your leverage plays. Perched proudly next to your monitor, it’s a daily reminder that pumps come to those who believe (and hold). Crafted with rugged detail and zero shame, this isn’t just a desk toy. It’s a spiritual tool for the modern degenerate. Made of premium meme-grade materials Non-financial advice built into the base Works best next to caffeine and broken dreams 0% utility, 100% morale boost Set it. Forget it. Pray it pumps.

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These aren’t just tees — they’re wearable alpha. Designed for the terminally online, forever bullish, and proudly unhinged. Each shirt features 7-word-or-fewer slogans that hit harder than a Solana pump at 3AM. No utility, just vibes. Perfect for crypto bros, meme queens, and anyone who’s ever been rugged and laughed about it later. Premium feel, lightweight cotton Printed with high-res degenerate energy Fits true — like your favorite bag Guaranteed to get at least one weird look Crypto is a cult. Dress like it.

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Top off your fit with this crypto crown. The DildosRUs cap brings dad-hat energy with decentralized swagger. Curved brim, structured front, and embroidered with green candle heat. It's not just headwear — it's a state of mind. Adjustable strap for bulls of all sizes Breathable for hot takes and high leverage Degen-tested, influencer-approved Cap your FUD. Show your pump.

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These aren’t just tees — they’re wearable alpha. Designed for the terminally online, forever bullish, and proudly unhinged. Each shirt features 7-word-or-fewer slogans that hit harder than a Solana pump at 3AM. No utility, just vibes. Perfect for crypto bros, meme queens, and anyone who’s ever been rugged and laughed about it later. Premium feel, lightweight cotton Printed with high-res degenerate energy Fits true — like your favorite bag Guaranteed to get at least one weird look Crypto is a cult. Dress like it.

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Welcome to the pump palace. The DildosRUs Hoodie is for the brave, the bold, and the blockchain degenerates who know a green candle when they see one. Soft as a bear market. Thick as your favorite chart. Whether you're trading in your mom's basement or moonwalking in Miami, this hoodie says what your portfolio’s been screaming: "I go up, and I don't pull out." 100% Comfy AF cotton blend Front pouch for snacks or stashed coins Double-stitched for maximum endurance Not financial advice, but probably a good buy Wear it loud. Trade it proud. DildosRUs.

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Sip gains, not copium. Whether you're caffeinating before a morning chart dive or drinking the tears of paper hands, this mug gets you. This ceramic beast holds 11 ounces of pure, degen-fueled ambition. Microwave + dishwasher safe (unlike your bags) Glossy finish for maximum flex Handle sized for diamond hands Fuel up. Flip charts. Stay hard.

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Your gains aren’t the only thing slipping — now your feet can too, in the comfiest meme slides on-chain. Whether you’re poolside, bedside, or browsing Solana tokens on the toilet, these are the slides for certified coin flippers. Foam sole for soft landings after hard dumps Bold print. Zero shame. Pairs well with socks and bad decisions Slide into the next pump.

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The floor is lava. Your socks shouldn’t be. These high-comfort socks feature just enough compression to support your next 12-hour charting session. Plus, they’ve got DildosRUs branding to remind you: even your toes can be degenerate. Cushioned sole. Maximum drip. One size fits most degen feet Ideal for gym bros and keyboard warriors alike Step into something bullish.

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Show off those thighs and your tokens. The DildosRUs swim shorts are made for cannonballs, yacht parties, and sudden rug pulls. Loud, proud, and probably inappropriate for family beaches. But hey — so is your portfolio. Quick-dry, lightweight crypto drip Mesh liner for support (where it counts) DildosRUs logo splashed like a meme coin chart Dive deep. Moon harder.

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Soft. Cuddly. Horny for gains. This bear’s been through the bear market and came out hugging green. The DildosRUs Teddy Bear is a perfect gift for that special crypto degen in your life — or just for you, because self-love is bullish. Ultra-plush, ultra-irreverent Rockin' a tiny DildosRUs T-shirt Not for kids. For memelords only. Every bull needs a bear to snuggle.

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Top off your fit with this crypto crown. The DildosRUs cap brings trucker-hat energy with decentralized swagger. Curved brim, structured front, and embroidered with green candle heat. It's not just headwear — it's a state of mind. Adjustable strap for bulls of all sizes Breathable for hot takes and high leverage Degen-tested, influencer-approved Cap your FUD. Show your pump.

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These aren’t just tees — they’re wearable alpha. Designed for the terminally online, forever bullish, and proudly unhinged. Each shirt features 7-word-or-fewer slogans that hit harder than a Solana pump at 3AM. No utility, just vibes. Perfect for crypto bros, meme queens, and anyone who’s ever been rugged and laughed about it later. Premium feel, lightweight cotton Printed with high-res degenerate energy Fits true — like your favorite bag Guaranteed to get at least one weird look Crypto is a cult. Dress like it.

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Not just a candle — a lifestyle. The Large $DILDO is a high-impact, full-send prop built for meme lords, market manipulators, and the 1% of degens who survived 2022. Stick it to the side of your Ferrari, slap it on your wall, or parade it through the next crypto conference like it’s a bullish banner. This absolute unit was not made for subtlety. It’s a statement. A spiritual weapon. A chart-charged flex for those who know that real wealth comes with poor taste and great timing. Oversized for maximum degeneracy Industrial-strength suction base Weather-resistant, attention-attracting, parent-disappointing Perfect for exotic cars, TikToks, and IRL pump rituals If you’ve got the gains, flaunt the candle.

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Politics aside — this one’s for the culture. The Make Female Sports Great Again tee is loud, unapologetic, and designed for degens who like their memes as bold as their wardrobe. Rock it courtside, at the gym, or during your next 12-hour Twitter Spaces rant.Printed on a red base for maximum statement value, this shirt is built to trigger conversations, side-eyes, and maybe even a few hot takes on ESPN. 100% cotton, softer than a rookie contract Bold front print — subtlety not included Guaranteed to get you at least one unsolicited opinion Zero politics, all memes, full send Make sports spicy again. One shirt at a time.

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Equal pay? Nah. Degenerate pay. This shirt flips the script with the iconic rallying cry — only here, the checks don’t clear in dollars… they clear in $DILDO. Made for meme lords, sports fans with questionable priorities, and anyone who knows “compensation” is best delivered in green candlesticks. You wanted a raise. You got $DILDO. Premium cotton, softer than hopium dreams Print that pops harder than a ETH pump Worn proudly by traders, trolls, and sideline degenerates Not financial advice — but solid drip

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Meet your new favorite tee: it’s eco-friendly, organic, and chic. Made from 100% organic cotton, it’s soft like a cloud but sturdy enough for all your mid-season adventures. Topped with a classic fit, this t-shirt is the perfect choice. • 100% organic combed ring-spun cotton • Fabric weight: 4.6 oz./yd.² (155 g/m²) • Regular fit • Set-in sleeves • 1 × 1 rib at collar • Double-needle topstitch on the sleeves and bottom hems • Self-fabric neck tape on the inside of the back • The fabric of this product holds certifications for its organic cotton content under GOTS (Global Organic Textile Standard) and OCS (Organic Content Standard) • Blank product sourced from Bangladesh

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These aren’t just tees — they’re wearable alpha. Designed for the terminally online, forever bullish, and proudly unhinged. Each shirt features 7-word-or-fewer slogans that hit harder than a Solana pump at 3AM. No utility, just vibes. Perfect for crypto bros, meme queens, and anyone who’s ever been rugged and laughed about it later. Premium feel, lightweight cotton Printed with high-res degenerate energy Fits true — like your favorite bag Guaranteed to get at least one weird look Crypto is a cult. Dress like it.

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These aren’t just tees — they’re wearable alpha. Designed for the terminally online, forever bullish, and proudly unhinged. Each shirt features 7-word-or-fewer slogans that hit harder than a Solana pump at 3AM. No utility, just vibes. Perfect for crypto bros, meme queens, and anyone who’s ever been rugged and laughed about it later. Premium feel, lightweight cotton Printed with high-res degenerate energy Fits true — like your favorite bag Guaranteed to get at least one weird look Crypto is a cult. Dress like it.

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These aren’t just tees — they’re wearable alpha. Designed for the terminally online, forever bullish, and proudly unhinged. Each shirt features 7-word-or-fewer slogans that hit harder than a Solana pump at 3AM. No utility, just vibes. Perfect for crypto bros, meme queens, and anyone who’s ever been rugged and laughed about it later. Premium feel, lightweight cotton Printed with high-res degenerate energy Fits true — like your favorite bag Guaranteed to get at least one weird look Crypto is a cult. Dress like it.

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These aren’t just tees — they’re wearable alpha. Designed for the terminally online, forever bullish, and proudly unhinged. Each shirt features 7-word-or-fewer slogans that hit harder than a Solana pump at 3AM. No utility, just vibes. Perfect for crypto bros, meme queens, and anyone who’s ever been rugged and laughed about it later. Premium feel, lightweight cotton Printed with high-res degenerate energy Fits true — like your favorite bag Guaranteed to get at least one weird look Crypto is a cult. Dress like it.

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